Pun Intended
by E3-FantasyandReality
Summary: "I've decided. I'm going to tap that….. tonight." In which, a big misunderstanding was caused. [One-shot]


A/N: Just a whacky idea I put together an hour ago out of boredom. I didn't think I would finish this, but I did... so... why not publish it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

 **Pun Intended**

* * *

Sakura's supposed productive morning became an aimless squander in the village. Instead of reevaluating her daily activities, and amending it for the better, she found herself in an endless spiral of window shopping and gossip.

The establishment of peace has since made her ninja life rather mundane, and while she was thankful that bloodshed was now kept at a bare minimum, the thrill of danger had dwindled away. And since that was the only _action_ she was getting, it was no surprise that her motivation had become rather….. _lacklustre_.

That being said, the hospital is always open. Then again, Tsunade was often found wondering its walls since her resignation as the Hokage. It was needless to say that her presence wasn't needed there.

The pink-haired medic sighed in defeat, her sandals dragging through the pavement. Wasn't there at least something she could do to preoccupy herself? Wait a minute, she suddenly thought. Sasuke was back in the village. Her blush overwhelmed her composure, and she was left swooning like an idiot in the streets.

However, her jump for joy was sent crashing down by reality. There was no way in hell that she could _do_ Sasuke. Their physical contact has been a rarity. The only contact she's ever gotten from him since his path of redemption was a measly touch on the hand. Her Inner Sakura fumed limitlessly inside, her ire reaching new heights. She has been deprived for years now. _Surely_ his journey of redemption was now over.

As Sakura sauntered casually through the shortcut that led to her new apartment – shared with Sasuke – she saw a glimpse of Naruto smirking and giving words of encouragement. Of course, she smiled, it was Naruto…. what else would he be doing?

While that was expected, she didn't think she would see Sasuke to be on the receiving end of Naruto's words of advice. What was more astonishing was that Sasuke seemed to be absorbing the blond's preaching with genuine interest.

Sakura quickly hid and concealed her presence, as she kept a close eye on her teammates. What were they discussing about? Another friendly spar, maybe? Or were they heading out on Kakashi's orders?

"I think it's time," Sasuke spoke calmly, looking down at his gloved hand. "I've waited for too long."

Naruto's foxy smirk remained prominent as he gave his signature thumbs up. "Don't worry about it! It's Sakura-chan we're talking about here. Nothing will go wrong."

The medic's interest piqued by a billion percent. They were talking about her! She leaned in closer. After all, it was in her right to know what they were saying since she was their main topic.

"Hinata and I have already done it!" Naruto seemed to say boastfully. "But, well, it was a really awkward at first. But when you get really into it, it feels really, _really_ good!"

"That's a lot of really, Naruto," Sasuke deadpanned. He leaned against the wall behind him and looked up at the sky. "I've decided. I'm going to tap that….. _tonight_."

"Damn right you will!"

Sakura quickly fled from the scene with a bleeding nose. No way, no way! Did she just hear Sasuke say that? Tonight? Shit, she had to get ready! As she dashed through the streets, in the search for Ino, she missed the rest of the conversation.

"Anyway, Hinata and I might do it again tomorrow." Naruto rolled his shoulders back, feeling a slight click. "The massage in that corner street there is the best! Our first time was certainly magical."

Sasuke's thinned lips arched upwards with mirth. "You're still so stupid. I'm not taking Sakura to that place tonight."

"H-Hey! You can't get to call me stupid when you don't even know what _'tap that'_ really means!" Naruto's indignant voice bolstered.

"What does it mean?"

"Sex, dumbass! _Sex!_ " He continued to shout out loud.

Sasuke's eyes widened in disbelief. "I don't want to do that! I just want to tap her –"

He was rudely interrupted by the giggles of the incoming horny teenagers. "They're talking about sex!" They approached Sasuke and looked him up and down. "Hey old man, don't you think –"

The flare of Sasuke's chakra was enough to send them flying a few feet back. Sasuke's darkened expression grew more morbid when he fully faced them, his shadow ominously cast over them. "Old man?" he reiterated back. "Don't you have school at this hour?"

"Sasuke," Naruto placed his hand on his shoulder, outshining his darkness. "Curious kids, you know. They're just joking, believe it."

"Tsk." The lone Uchiha turned around, his cloak flapping behind him. "I'm going to prepare."

The teens frowned at the man's seriousness. "Naruto-nii, what's up with that man?"

Naruto placed his hands on his hips and smiled. "Oh, him? Nothing. He's just nervous, that's all."

"Nervous of what?"

"Poking his crush's forehead."

" _WHAT?!"_ They roared out their laughter as they rolled on the ground, hugging their stomachs, drowning close to tears.

* * *

During the late night, Sasuke climbed up the steps leading towards their apartment, recounting his practice in his head, running possible simulations. The worst possible scenario is having his ribs crushed when Sakura hugs the fuck out of him.

His rhythmic steps up the stairs created a melody in his head, as he continued to warp his mind with several scenarios. Before he knew it, however, he was already in front of their door, his hand already around the doorknob.

Upon entering their apartment, he followed the oddly dispersed rose petals on the floor. He frowned when he pushed Sakura's bedroom door open, seeing her lying down on the bed. He looked back at the trail of petals with complete utter confusion. "Do you want me to clean up your mess?"

"I've been waiting for you, Sasuke-kun," Sakura spoke in the most sultry way possible, intentionally letting her tongue role on his name, creating a slight hiss of seductiveness. (While she thought it was incredibly sexy, it just brought back the memories of Orochimaru in Sasuke's mind.) The Uchiha paled. "I heard your conversation with Naruto this afternoon."

Sasuke removed his cloak and bag, depositing it on a nearby chair by her vanity. "Did you?"

She sat up and made herself comfortable on the bed, her silken robe revealing a slither of flesh. "I'm ready Sasuke-kun. I've prepared all afternoon for this."

He looked somewhat surprised – an expression she never thought she would ever see. "What a coincidence. Me too." He smiled, approaching her, climbing on the bed. "I even ran simulations in my mind."

While the intention was pure in the Uchiha's head, it was completely dirty in Sakura's.

"Simulations, huh?" She purred, gripping at his apparel. "What kind of simulations?"

"A lot…." He shrugged.

"Mhm. I like that sound of that."

"Let's do it then."

"N-N-Now? With no warmup?"

"Is there a need for warmups?"

"W-W-Well…." she shyly looked away. This wasn't like what she read in novels. From what she read, the night would often unravel like this: the man enshrouds the woman with hot kisses, eventually leading down to her most sacred part, owning her body and soul like a dictator, until she was all hot and bothered. The act could be repaid by the woman, or it could be skipped entirely, and then the man and woman become one.

It was supposed to go down like that! Not like _this_.

"Close your eyes," he softly instructed.

Her emerald eyes shimmered. Maybe it _was_ going to go down like that. He was just shy making the first move! "Are you going to tap me now, Sasuke-kun?"

Her eyes fluttered closed, and she waited patiently for his scorching touch.

"Oh yes. I'm going to tap you _hard_ , Sakura."

She shivered. She never thought Sasuke would be so dirty!

"Yes, please…." she was already putty in his hands, and he hasn't even held her yet! "Don't hold back, Sasuke-kun. I have been waiting for you. Do it!"

Adrenaline pumped throughout Sakura's body, surging her with immense lust. Her heart was beating at an incredible pace – she could die of a heart attack! The image of Sasuke's hands and lips all over her body was a dream! And it was going to happen. Right now. Right here.

 _Poke._

Instead of feeling his lips on her neck, or his tongue on her skin, she felt his fingers on her forehead. Her eyes snapped open and she saw him smiling at her, as he poked her.

… _.Huh?_

There was a moment of silence.

Then a moment of pandemonium when reality settled in.

" _WHAT THE HELL?!"_ Sakura vehemently shouted, falling off the bed before scurrying against the wall. "B-B-By _tap_ , is _this_ what you meant?" she questioned shakily, still confused to as of what had just happened.

Sasuke blinked innocently. "Yes."

His matter-of-fact answer made it all the more frustrating for the pink-haired woman. She had misread him! Her preparation was now all in vain. She even went through the trouble of waxing for him! Now she just felt ridiculous. She felt like a skinned cat.

"I thought you meant….."

"Not you too, Sakura." He huffed, ruffling through his black tresses. "Since when did ' _tap'_ ever mean sex? Have I been gone for so long?"

"Quite some time, yes." Sakura tied her robe closed. "You've been disconnected with society. I mean, you're one of the few who still uses summons as a way of delivering messages. There's instant messaging now, you know."

"I don't like wasting my time fumbling with keys."

Spoken like a true grandpa.

"I'm sorry," he softly whispered. "I didn't mean to have such a misunderstanding."

"It-It's fine," she swatted his oozing embarrassment away with a feigned smile. "I really need to get you an urban dictionary before you leave. So remind me."

"I shall. That should prove useful during my travels."

"Are you leaving again?"

He nodded. "Yes, Sakura, I am. That's why I wanted to see you tonight."

"Can't I join you?"

"No, Sakura." He repositioned himself on the edge of her bed, rubbing his stump gently. "This is my trial to face. I don't want you to become involved."

"…Alright. Just give me a heads up when you leave." She sat beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Don't worry…. I'll have you _come_ soon."

Her blushes resurfaced.

Why must he innocently throw sexual innuendos with such ignorant nonchalance?

His lips brushed against her skin.

"Pun intended," he whispered.

For whenever that day will come, it was going to be a _wet_ day.

With tears, of course.

Oh, who was she kidding?

The pun was _fucking_ intended.


End file.
